we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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