i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
