I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and she was petting her beer can
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
