It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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