To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
