So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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