my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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