I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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