I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
