Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive