And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.