yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick