You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!