you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
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I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Green mimosas i think yes
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me