Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend