Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.