Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.

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(412): I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God. http://tfl.nu/yxgi

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(+44): View more from England

I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.

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(+44): I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment. http://tfl.nu/zeo3

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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(443): I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/l068

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(440): View more from Ohio

he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.

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(440): he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now. http://tfl.nu/ongm

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.

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(717): He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping. http://tfl.nu/p29z

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(585): View more from New York

My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.

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(585): My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home. http://tfl.nu/zb6p

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(318): View more from Louisiana

This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

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(318): This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out. http://tfl.nu/skdx

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(607): View more from New York

We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.

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(607): We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre. http://tfl.nu/5g13

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it

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(973): Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it http://tfl.nu/e8zq

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(201): View more from New Jersey

PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon

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(201): PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon http://tfl.nu/nm2q

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(681): View more from West Virginia

Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.

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(681): Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most. http://tfl.nu/7o83

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.

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(814): I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/b3si

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(905): View more from Ontario

I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".

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(905): I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn". http://tfl.nu/2c8a

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.

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(708): I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily. http://tfl.nu/de3q

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(540): View more from Virginia

Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....

(1-540): View more from Virginia

I seemed to have misplaced my pants...

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(540): Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?.... (1-540): I seemed to have misplaced my pants... http://tfl.nu/s4v6

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