dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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