My liver just broke up with me...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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