sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
