Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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