My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
