My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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