fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
