New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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