I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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