I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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