Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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