You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just had sex on a roof
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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