Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm passing your future prison.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
