Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
