she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
