Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
