OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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