It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
