Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
even my farts smell like vagina
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
