I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
