turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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