She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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