the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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