Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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