Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
