my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
