its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
