I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
