I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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