i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
