Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
