everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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