he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
