Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize