i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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