Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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