i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
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