they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
