Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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