I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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