couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
