Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
