wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
try to milk me bitch
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
