brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
