that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
