if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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