Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize