how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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