We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
