If that was your dad, he is hot
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
