Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
