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i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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