A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
