dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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