your parents love me but you hate me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
