i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
