It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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