The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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