just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
