Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
