there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
